


Did It Frighten You How We Kissed

by lovethatwewerein



Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Minor Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25250896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethatwewerein/pseuds/lovethatwewerein
Summary: The first time they happened was the night after him walking away from Kurt at Scandals. He had watched as his boyfriend drove off, angry at him and Sebastian and spontaneity, before realising that he couldn’t get home alone. He was too drunk to walk, too oblivious to his surroundings to make it home safely either way.---Day 7 - Friends with Benefits
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842061
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43
Collections: Seblaine Week 2020





	Did It Frighten You How We Kissed

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Green Light' by Lorde

The first time they happened was the night after him walking away from Kurt at Scandals. He had watched as his boyfriend drove off, angry at him and Sebastian and spontaneity, before realising that he couldn’t get home alone. He was too drunk to walk, too oblivious to his surroundings to make it home safely either way. 

It had been cold, and he had been filled with memories of another night where he’d been lonely and hidden by darkness from the rest of the world. There were phantom aches in his wrist when strangers passed him, yelling at the top of their voices, and he didn’t want the ice in his veins to remain. 

He’d gone back inside, fighting his way through the crowd, still drunk but sober enough to know he wasn’t in the mood for dancing with people he didn’t know the names of. Sebastian had been leaning against the bar, his collar still turned up but his forehead and throat covered in sweat from a good time. 

He’d waited there for Sebastian to be ready to leave, not wanting a friend’s night to be ruined as much as his had already. He’d only drank water, even when Sebastian offered him a beer or the other patrons insisted on buying him one. Sebastian had danced for another hour or so, completely free of worry or disdain for the first time since Blaine had met him. 

They’d left just before two, Blaine almost completely sober and still awake enough to drive. Sebastian seemed sober too, but he probably had a higher tolerance for alcohol and he still didn’t want to risk it. He’d driven Sebastian’s car to his house, and waited in the drive for just enough moments to question whether he should do what he’d been hoping for all night regardless of the consequences. 

Sebastian was fun, and he was flirty, and he was smirking at Blaine like he was the only person he’d ever wanted to sleep with. It may have been in his mind, the seductive comments the other had been making since they met, or the way he’d kept glancing at Blaine while dancing with someone older in the bar, but he had taken Artie’s words to heart and he couldn’t afford to disappoint anyone. 

Sebastian hadn’t questioned it when Blaine leaned in, hadn’t hesitated to reach across the console between them and pull Blaine into his lap. It was fast, faster than he and Kurt had ever begun making out, and there were flashes of guilt whenever he moaned. He had a boyfriend, one that he loved, but Sebastian was kissing his neck. He was unbuttoning his shirt and unapologetically whispering his name. 

They’d stumbled into the backseat for more room, Sebastian’s body heavy over his own but warm enough that he could ignore the loneliness from early in the night. He could put Kurt out of his mind when the other trailed a hand up his thigh, could focus on Sebastian’s breath against his skin instead of how wrong everything was.

Sebastian only stopped when his hand reached Blaine’s zipper, waiting long enough for Blaine to nod in consent. Breath met breath. Skin met skin. Blaine lost himself in the moment, in Sebastian’s hands around him, in the words he muttered in his ear. This was what he’d been missing out on, what he needed to give the perfect performance. This was fun, as Artie had claimed, but when his high went away, when they climbed out of the car with red cheeks and his legs still slightly shaky, he couldn’t feel anything but cold again. 

*

He didn’t tell Kurt, not the day after and not on opening night. 

The memories flooded his mind when Rachel said she failed him, Sebastian’s lips against his hips and his hands on his thighs. They were burned there through the performance, ingrained in his mind whenever he glanced at Kurt offstage, his boyfriend’s eyes full of pride. 

They were especially there when he chanced a glance at the Warblers while he was onstage, losing himself in them for a moment and messing up just enough that he hated himself for it. Watching Sebastian applaud him, be just as proud of him as Kurt when the intimacy he’d shared with them both was so different, was confusing. And trouble. And it made his chest tighter when he thought of how much he’d liked it. 

Kurt came to find him backstage after the show, waiting until he finished practicing the dance move he’d messed up when he’d met Sebastian’s eyes. He couldn’t make that mistake again, the move or the sex, but it didn’t disway the thoughts.

It didn’t help distract him from the words the warbler had whispered. It didn’t even block out the words Kurt had yelled that night before he walked off. Kurt had been right, but he’d been too drunk to care. He’d been too drunk to think about how his actions would affect his boyfriend when he was in Sebastian’s car. It didn’t matter anymore. 

The thoughts lingered in the back of his mind when Kurt congratulated him. Complimented him. He had to tell him, to come clean about what he’d done and how much he regretted it, but the words caught in the back of his throat whenever he tried. 

“At least you didn’t make out with Rachel.” 

That was the worst part, wasn’t it? He hadn’t made out with Rachel, because that would mean Rachel was cheating on Finn. That would mean Blaine was immoral - it didn’t matter that Rachel was a girl. He didn’t make out with Rachel, but Kurt was making a joke and trying to make him laugh. So he did. 

He laughed and buried his head in Kurt’s shoulder to hide the guilt that was surely shining in his eyes. To hide his secrets from the boy he loved because he was being forgiven and he wanted more time. Because he was selfish when it came to Kurt, and finding out that Blaine had had sex with Sebastian would ruin everything they had. He was selfish enough to keep it hidden for himself. 

*

The second time came out of nowhere. There was no argument with Kurt, no fear of being out in the dark alone to bring him to Sebastian. There was just a second, Sebastian’s voice through the phone still so confident, that he thought about it. 

As he listened to the other talk about Dalton, of having to be up early for lacrosse practise but desperate for relief, he couldn’t help it. His parents were out, some business dinner that they had to go to, and he had a chance. No one would know - it was just him home alone on the phone with a friend. 

Sebastian kept talking, going into detail about the guy he’d met at Scandals the night before and how ready he’d been, and Blaine lost himself in it. In the vivid descriptions of a nameless stranger going down on Sebastian in the bar’s bathroom. 

As his friend’s story got dirtier, more descriptive, he let himself reach under the covers. Let himself give over to the heat in his pants. He tried desperately to hide it, to keep his breathlessness out of his voice when Sebastian expected an answer. 

It was hotter than he’d expected, hiding the fact that he was turned on by his friend’s exploits. Hiding that Sebastian’s voice had gotten him hot under the collar. Hiding the fact that he was desperate for release he hadn’t truly gotten since that night in Sebastian’s car. 

It was almost too easy to picture the scene, some hot blond teasing Sebastian, taking in his instructions and bringing him to the edge in a bathroom where anyone would know what was going on. 

It was almost too easy to think about being the blond, on his knees for Sebastian and loving the heat of the other under _him_ this time, at his mercy. 

He was so close when Sebastian stopped talking, his voice drifting off with barely any warning. It made him groan, but he could still get over the edge, could still reach his peak with just the memory of the other’s mouth on his chest. 

“You alright, Blaine?” 

He wanted to respond to the question, wanted to carry on the conversation before things became too suspect and he was filled with more guilt than before. Sebastian had been a willing participant the first time, had been more than willing actually, but this was something else entirely. Blaine cleared his throat.

“Fine.” 

“Are you sure? You sound a little off.” Sebastian’s voice was concerned, for his well-being or for his disinterest in the story Blaine wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter. Sebastian was concerned and that was enough to push Blaine right into the deep end, to bring him to climax with little to no warning. To have him shove the phone under the pillow so Sebastian didn’t hear him groan. 

He waited for a few seconds when he was done, hoping that he hadn’t been too obvious in trying to hide something from the other, but Sebastian was still on the phone when Blaine put it up to his ear after. 

“You gonna tell me what that was about, killer?” he asked, voice lilting with amusement. Even with no one around to see him, to hear him even, Blaine flushed with embarrassment. 

“I don’t think I will.” he said, and he hoped it was enough. 

*

The third time was at Dalton, after a day spent trying not to turn bright red at the several interactions he had with Sebastian in just a few hours. 

At the Lima Bean, when Sebastian had approached them as they discussed Michael, he shifted closer to Kurt. Meeting Sebastian’s eyes was painful, the mirth glittering in them so obvious that he wondered if everyone would figure it out, but Sebastian never mentioned it. He had to thank him for that, at least. 

Then they’d met at Dalton, Sebastian openly flirting with him in front of Kurt, in front of members of the New Directions that wouldn’t hesitate to call him out on it if Blaine so much as looked impressed with the performance. The Warblers were still passionate, even when they were attempting to intimidate the opposition, and the song was incredible. 

He did miss that, how united they’d always been. The Warblers were brothers, they respected each other, they were a team first and foremost. McKinley wasn’t always like that; too many students at each other’s throats to merge completely. 

Sebastian had found his place at Dalton, leading a team to victory with a medley of talent meshed together. He was a born leader, confident and unforgiving in the face of the enemy, even when the enemy had lost their virginity to him. 

“Or Blaine, you could rejoin the group you abandoned.” 

Sebastian’s downfall was that he was confident, as enthralling as it was. He was cocky, and he was so sure that the New Directions were intimidated that he focused on possibly the only member that would answer him. 

“I used to be really proud to be a warbler,” he said, taking a step closer to Sebastian and leaving Kurt behind. They hadn’t been this close in a long time, and Blaine just suppresses the shiver that travels down his spine when Sebastian’s gaze flicks over his body. “Not because we were good, but because we were really classy. None of _that_ was classy.”

Sebastian’s raised eyebrow made sense. Blaine was making things up to save face and it would be so easy for the taller to spill everything. They both knew that the performance was amazing, that it had shaken the New Directions to their core. They both knew that it would be easy to beat them if that one number was all it took. 

Instead, Sebastian had backed away. He’d let them leave with some semblance of quiet dignity, but he still called out to Santana, not ready to be too nice. It worried Blaine that Sebastian had kept quiet about them, and that he hadn’t followed up on the phone call from before when Blaine had clearly been distracted by something. 

He wouldn’t have been surprised if Sebastian had a brilliant scheme in the works, one that would destroy his competitors in one fell swoop. Would destroy Blaine himself if he wanted to. And that’s what had brought him back to Dalton instead of letting the New Directions go to the parking lot. 

“What are you planning?” 

Sebastian leaned in the doorway of his dorm room, his roommate not there but who could be back at any time. His green eyes were dancing with laughter he didn’t let out, but he answered when Blaine refused to go in, arms crossed and brows furrowed. 

“What makes you think I’m planning anything?” 

The first three buttons of his school shirt were undone, and his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. Blaine refused to linger on his collarbone, no longer gathering sweat from dancing or anything else, or the forearms that had seemed so much less attractive in the back of Sebastian’s car. 

“Because, I thought you would’ve jumped at the chance to tell people about…” 

“About what?” 

“You know what.”

“Maybe you should remind me.” 

Blaine rolled his eyes, even when he felt the back of his neck prick with heat. “Just tell me why you haven’t told anyone.” 

“Would you believe me if I said I hadn’t actually planned on breaking you and Hummel up,” he asked, standing straighter in the doorway. “Even if you’d agreed to sleep with me originally?” 

“That doesn’t make any sense.” he protested, the words almost tripping on their way off his tongue. 

“I don’t do boyfriends, Blaine. I do sex and that’s all.” 

“So you just wanted to sleep with me once and not brag just to hurt Kurt’s feelings?” 

“If you want me to tell Kurt, I will,” Sebastian said, moving to make his way into his dorm room. Blaine glanced each way, the corridor sprinkled with people he didn’t recognise from his time at Dalton. “Didn’t think that was your style though.” 

Blaine followed him in. “I don’t want you to tell Kurt.” 

He shut the door behind himself, Sebastian smirking the same way he had that night. He swallowed heavily, throat dry. He was backed up against the door, the wood hard despite the thick cardigan he had on beneath his coat, Sebastian’s arms either side of his head. 

“Then I won’t tell Kurt.” 

Blaine closed his eyes when Sebastian leaned in closer, trying to focus on how much he wanted this instead of how much this was going to hurt Kurt. 

It was easy to do when he was moaning Sebastian’s name. 

*

Blaine’s sat in the audience at regionals, hand gripped in Kurt’s as The Warblers made their way onto the stage, Sebastian front and centre. He hadn’t spoken to the other boy since the news about Dave Karofsky, the remorse in his eyes as he told them what he’d said, the guilt over the amount of pain he might have caused with a throwaway comment. 

Now though, watching him explain to an audience of hundreds that any donations would go to charity, Blaine was filled with something he couldn’t explain. Maybe it was empathy, or maybe it was something completely different. All he knew was that he regretted not being there for the other boy, for not giving him a shoulder to cry on when Kurt had so many other people there for him. No doubt he could’ve used it. 

The Warblers were just as good as always, maybe better when he paid attention to the synchronicity of their choreography, so much more advanced than he could remember them ever being. Sebastian was amazing singing lead, playing the audience easily and successfully, and he felt no regret when he was one of the first to stand and applaud them. 

He told Kurt to go on without him when the show ended, the New Directions crowned the victors with Rachel bringing her all to make up for sectionals. It proved something to the rest of them, he imagined, that they were enough to win. 

He waited by Sebastian’s car for the other boy, congratulating the other Warblers as they passed by. None of them asked questions, but Nick did raise an eyebrow and Trent shook his head. They didn’t seem disappointed though, and that assured him that they didn’t know what had gone down in Sebastian’s dorm room that evening. Or in his car before that. 

“Waiting for me, killer?” 

Sebastian had his tie undone, and his hair was messy. He looked tired. Blaine smiled as he came closer. 

“I wanted to apologize for not reaching out recently. I should’ve checked in to see how you were doing.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” he leaned against the side of the car beside him. “I’ve been worse. And it’s given me a chance to think.” 

“Yeah?” 

“About a few things actually,” Sebastian admitted, turning his head up to look at the starless sky. There were still people walking by, most of them distracted by their own conversations but some of them passing silently. “Dave. The Warblers. You.” 

“Me? Why me?” 

Sebastian shifted his gaze to him, and Blaine let himself stare at the Ohio sky instead. He could feel the warmth of the other’s gaze on his face, and he thanked whoever might be listening that it was dark enough where he stood for his blush to be invisible. 

“Why do you keep sleeping with me, Blaine?” 

He closed his eyes, wishing he was anywhere but next to Sebastian. Wishing he’d asked anything but that. He could barely explain it to himself, the weightlessness of his problems when Sebastian kissed him, the freedom he felt whenever they were together. 

It was the same feeling as being on the stage, so in the zone that everything else was just white noise. It was the thrill he got from performing, from standing in front of however many people and just letting them fade into the background. It was almost indescribable, but Sebastian deserved an answer.

“I guess it’s…” he hesitated. Letting everything out, spilling every thought he had about what they were doing, would ruin everything he had. It would mean telling Kurt, looking him in the eye to say he’d been sleeping with someone his boyfriend hated. It would probably mean losing Sebastian as a friend, losing the companionship he got from the other boy that he hadn’t expected. “I guess it’s easy to give myself over to it, to you, and I could get addicted to it pretty quickly if I wanted to.” 

“And Kurt still doesn’t know?” 

The air was getting colder, the temperature dropping enough that he pulled his coat tighter to his chest and stuffed his hands in his pockets. HIs neck was strained from staring up at the darkness of night, searching for a single star he’d probably never find. That was how he felt about Sebastian, that he was a shining star in the starless Ohio sky, and he didn’t want to look away long enough to lose sight of it. 

“I’ve wanted to tell him but… I just don’t… It would break his heart.” 

A silence settled over them, and he finally let his gaze turn to the boy beside him. This confident boy that he’d come to consider a friend, that he’d come to know intimately, and registered that he looked smaller. He looked defeated, lost. He didn’t hesitate to reach for his hand. 

“You know what, Anderson?” Sebastian said after they stood like that, fingers interlocked, for longer than they should’ve. He met his eyes, the green bright with passion and determination. “You have to make a choice: me or Hummel.” 

“What? Are you joking, Sebastian?” 

“Do I look like I’m joking, Blaine? I’ll admit that at first I only wanted into your ridiculously tight pants, but then I had you. I had you and for what’s likely only the second time in my life, I wanted you again,” he waved his arms around wildly, no longer relaxed against the car but full of life. “And I had you again. But then you came back to me. For what, I’m still not completely sure, but you came to me. You came to me and then went back to Hummel. Now you have the audacity to say that _I’m_ like a drug to _you_."

“That’s not fair and you know it.” Blaine yelled, crossing his arms in a fruitless attempt to protect himself from the words Sebastian was saying. 

“It’s not fair for you to use me when Hummel won’t give you what you want. Sure, I enjoy having sex with you. It’s great, in fact, but come on, Blaine. What makes you think you can have one half of a relationship with Hummel but have the other half with me? What part of that is fair?” 

He was breathing heavily now, chest heaving obviously in the dim light of a lamppost nearby. Blaine’s eyes were burning, and Sebastian’s frame was blurring at the edges as he fought back tears. He’d never thought of it like that, but that was exactly what he’d been doing. It wasn’t fair, not to Kurt or to Sebastian. For once in his life he’d been selfish, and now he was paying the price. 

“You need to figure yourself out, Blaine. It’s me or Hummel,” Sebastian said at last, his voice calm compared to the storm of emotions in Blaine’s body. “No matter what you decide, I won’t tell anyone about anything before now. You know where to find me once you make your choice.” 

Blaine stared after his car long after he drove off, no idea about what to do. Maybe if he stayed there long enough someone else would make the decision for him. 

*

A week later, his hair gelled for the first time since the argument with Sebastian, he stood in front of the wooden door. Behind that barrier was his future, whether it worked out or not, and he was second guessing everything again. Sebastian had promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone about them, that that rested on his shoulders and his only. 

His mother had been worried, his father checking in on him once to see if he was having trouble at school. It hadn’t led to his decision, to his journey here or his urge to tell the truth regardless. The guilt was just eating him alive, the ugly truth of his junior year so far tearing him apart from inside. 

He knocked on the door, holding his breath at the yell from inside. He had just a few seconds to hide, to back down from doing this and to go back to what was safe. To what was comfortable. He remained there, rooted to the spot as he listened to movement on the other side of the door. 

“Blaine, what are you doing here?” 

He swallowed deeply, ignoring every bone in his body that screamed at him to run. He met his eyes, so beautiful and so, so comforting that they calmed him just enough. It was too late to turn back now and, even if he wanted to, he would’ve just ended up back here. He always did. 

“I broke up with Kurt.” He said quickly. “It’s you I want, Sebastian, if you’ll still have me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm at love-that-we-were-in on tumblr


End file.
